Thursday, February 27th, 2014
I write you this letter on behalf of the 659 million United fans worldwide who are at a loss to explain how the champions of England have descended into mediocrity overnight, and I have a strong suspicion that you haven’t got the faintest idea either. I will proceed to spell it out for you:
It is widely accepted that your first and possibly biggest error of judgement was relieving three hugely influential members of our esteemed coaching staff, namely Mike Phelen, Rene Meulensteen and Eric Steele, of their duties. The players trusted and respected these individuals, Fergie’s right hand men, who knew the club inside out and who could have passed on invaluable insight from the great man himself. However, for reasons I cannot fathom you decided their knowledge and experience were surplus to requirements, and instead replaced them with Steve Round, Jimmy Lumsden and Chris Woods.
You know these guys better than any of the rest of us, so I would kindly urge you outline their credentials for replacing Mike Phelen, Rene Meulensteen and Eric Steel at the worlds greatest football club. I am personally of the opinion that assembling the senior coaching staff with individuals who have won precisely nothing, to lead players who have won everything there is to win in the domestic game, was a grave error on your part.
Whilst I accept that this was always going be tricky situation with David Gill also leaving, you certainly did not cover yourself in glory. Firstly, that farcical pursuit of Cesc Fabregas. You and Mr Woodward must be the only two individuals on the planet who thought it possible that he would give up on his childhood club (and the best club team in the world) that he fought so hard to leave Arsenal for in favour of a move to United. And then to heap further embarrassment on the club you submitted bids left right and centre for seemingly every half decent midfielder in Europe. But alas you got your man… Marouane Fellaini.
It worries me that you thought this guy was good enough to play for Manchester United, whilst overlooking young Ross Barkley who will undoubtedly turn out to be England’s star player of his generation. A truly world-class prospect ignored by a truly inept manager.
Now, I understand the transfer market is a very precarious and complex world, far beyond my expertise, so if you feel I’ve missed the mark with any of the above please feel free to explain yourself.
Before a ball was even kicked alarm bells were ringing. In your first interview (or one of) and many since you have claimed that ‘it will take time to get things the way I want them’. This implies you were looking to make changes from day one. Whilst this seems to be a stock phrase for new managers coming in, we must remember that they do so usually when a club is in turmoil. However, in your case the complete opposite was true, and in fact you should have tried to seamlessly fit in with a club that has had unprecedented success over the last 25 years. Nothing needed to change… continuity was the key. You needed to fit into the club, not the other way around!
Your post match interviews are infuriating. Your excuses are boring and inaccurate. And your lack of charisma is laid bare. And please please please wipe that stupid dumbfounded grin off your face during post-match interviews following a bad result. I understand that you are not necessarily finding anything amusing, but it drives me absolutely fucking mad, and I have come close to smashing my TV monitor to pieces, and would likely have done so had I not recently invested in a new (and rather expensive) 50″ 3D set.
As a mere fan I am not privy to the goings-on at Carrington, but it is plainly obvious that something is not right. I’m sure I can safely assume that you have subjected the champions of England to near enough the exact same training regime you used at Everton, and it is clearly working because you are achieving near identical results.
At United, the players have been lavished with world class training, delivered by highly skilled coaches such as Carlos Queiroz, and most recently, Rene Meulensteen. Can you imagine the shock to the system when focus was abruptly diverted from innovation, skill and technique to accommodate your, what I believe, are out-dated and old fashioned methods.
From what I can see on the pitch, the players look drained, overworked, lethargic and the technical element of their game has noticeably regressed. I have no other option but to conclude that the work being done on the training ground is not up to the standard that Manchester United Football Club require.
Tactics and Team Selections
If I were to go through every specific error in your team selections and tactics I would be here forever, so I will stick, in part, to your most recent disaster.
It is easy to be clever after the event, however following the announcement of your team selection for the Champions League first leg against Olympiacos, I knew we were in big trouble (and I have the text messages to prove it). What on earth were you thinking employing a basic 4-4-2 line-up away in Europe?
Especially when our wingers, namely Ashley Young and Antonio Valencia are bloody useless, not to mention the ineffective and most pointless footballer, Tom Cleverley. These three players have not managed to hold down regular spots in our team of late, however for some inexplicable reason you felt it right to give them all the nod. That decision can either be put down to a gross misjudgement by yourself, or a complete lack of respect to Olympiacos on your part. Either way it is totally unacceptable and you should come out and explain yourself.
Furthermore, rumours are circulating that Adnan Januzaj and Darren Fletcher were rested for this match, however I refuse to believe that this is true. I may not be your biggest fan but surely surely you are not stupid enough to leave them out of the squad to give them a ‘rest’ when we do not have another match for 11 days. Please can you clarify this situation?
I would also urge you to remember that you are NOT still the manager of Everton FC, but now have some truly gifted and world-class players at your disposal. Please start using them accordingly. If you are unsure how exactly to go about doing this, I suggest you seek the advice of Mike Phelan and Rene Meulensteen….oh no wait….you sacked them!
I don’t think any genuine United fan had serious aspirations of a trophy laden season, as the departure of Sir Alex Furguson was always going to leave a huge void. However, we won the the championship at a canter last season and despite everyone claiming we won it by default, although almost achieving a record number of points, it is unimaginable that we sit so many points adrift of a Champions League spot. In fact it is a disgrace!
Unfortunately, I lay the blame almost single-handedly at your door. The truth of the matter is I cannot think of one positive thing that you have done during your reign, not one. You have not even managed to pick the right team or employ the right tactics for a single match. I would suggest that this is the minimum to be expected from a manager at any level.
No doubt that Manchester United Football Club will stick to their principles and give you time. However, by then I fear you would have led us into the mid-table abyss. So I write this letter to appeal to your better nature. As a life-long United fan, and I feel I say this on behalf of millions of us around the world, we do not want to watch Everton FC playing in red shirts. And I am certain that you know no other way.
Due to the reasons outlined above (and many more that I overlooked) I feel that there is no other option other than to hand in your resignation, and I suggest that you do so with immediate effect.
If you would like me to draft the resignation letter on your behalf I will gladly do so.