What’s the point of being a goalkeeper if you can’t use your hands?
Retardation appears to have struck a plethora of goalkeepers in the past seven days with shot-stoppers all over Europe conceding a collection of miserable goals.
In an age where there is always a TV crew hiding in the bushes, teenage Liverpool goalie Martin Hansen left an indelible mark on his career highlights letting in an absolute clanger to their Merseyside rivals last Tuesday night.
The game had been halted, and looking for a quick restart to proceedings, the referee dropped the ball down for Everton’s Scott Spencer to knock the ball back to the Liverpool keeper. With the ball still bouncing, Spencer dollied a soft free-kick straight to Hansen, who simply needed to bend down and catch the ball. Instead, poor Hansen had a total brain-freeze, completely misjudging the bounce of the ball and, showing the reflexes of a 90-year-old, watched on as the ball squeezed through his legs before dribbling over the line. Horrible.
Jumping several echelons of the football hierarchy, we arrive to the UEFA Cup meeting between FC Copenhagen and Man City last Thursday, and a true clanger from home keeper Jesper Christiansen.
Nedum Onuoha is definitely not a goalscorer. Rather, the slightly awkward moving defender proved that he is one of the worst strikers of the ball in the City squad with a pathetic effort on target early on in Denmark. Having been played through by a perfectly-weighted pass from Ireland, the marauding fullback appeared dumbstruck when he found himself with a clear strike on goal.
Nervously, Onouha scuffed a tame right-footed effort straight at keeper Christiansen. The number one got down low, and he even had both hands touching the ball. Things were going easy-peasy. There was no danger. Crap! Spoke too soon.
It would be harsh to say that Galatasaray keeper Morgan De Sanctis was the main reason why coach Michael Skibbe lost his job this Monday, but without question the number 26’s useless outing in Sunday’s humiliating 5-2 home defeat at the hands of lowly Kocaelispor acted as a catalyst for the manager’s departure.
Amazingly the Gala fans were loving life early doors after Mehmet Topal had opened the scoring after 15 minutes. But the good feeling at the Ali Sami Yen Stadium soon evaporated when De Sanctis screwed up a simple punch which allowed the visitors to level. With a long ball hoofed in the box, the keeper had all the time in the world to size up his punch with visiting striker Adem Calik chasing down the loose pass. In hindsight De Sanctis must be wondering why he didn’t simply pluck the ball out the air, as his doubled-fisted punch went horribly wrong.
Getting plenty of height and no distance on his clearance, the ball dropped deliciously for Taner Gulleri arriving late on the scene, with the striker lapping up the opportunity with a neat volley into the vacant net. The goalie had no-one to blame but himself. (Watch here.)
Onto the list.
If your taste is for rippers into the top corner than goals 1, 5, 6 and 11 will quench your thirst, while others who prefer the slightly more cultured efforts should have a look at goals 2 and 8.
The rest of the efforts all stand alone on their own merits. Goal 3 is a tremendous volley on the turn. Goal 4 is a wonder scissors-kick. Goal 7 is a special chip. Goal 9 shows off some exquisite close control. And Goal 10 is simply genius.
As always, all we ask is that you sit back and enjoy!
1. Tomas Abraham (Xanthi v AEK Athens, Feb. 18, 2009)
2. Wason Renteria (Braga v Stand Liege, Feb. 18, 2009)
3. Victor Hugo Lojero Alexanderson (Cruz Azul v San Luis, Feb. 18, 2009)
4. Kevin Kuranyi (Schalke v Borussia Dortmund, Feb. 20, 2009)
5. Fabien Barbiero (Adelaide United v Queensland Roar, Feb. 21, 2009)
7. Ivan de la Pena (Barcelona v Espanyol, Feb. 21, 2009)
8. Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United v Blackburn, Feb. 21, 2009)
9. Kevin Gameiro (Lorient v Sochaux, Feb. 21, 2009)
10. Zoltan Hercegfalvi (Vasas Budapest v Honved Budapest, Feb. 21, 2009)
11. Blaise Matuidi (St. Etienne v Bordeaux, Feb. 22, 2009)